Since my co-workers and I are attempting to eat healthy, talk around the water cooler has turned to the possibility of doing a “cleanse”.

Now, we aren’t talking about a Beyonce Knowles Cleanse (which consists of drinking water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper for 3-10 consecutive days).  No.  The fashionistas, and I, have our eyes on the Gwyneth Paltrow Cleanse (where you still get to eat food).  It’s a “lifestyle”.

With talk of the cleanse has come fear.  Fear over the possibility of needing to go to the bathroom SEVERAL times a day while at work.   I’m not talking about #1 people. Nope. I’m talking about the big #2.

In honor of our future bathroom escapades, I have decided to offer up my opinions on the “Corporate #2”.

Here are a few ground rules to go by when taking a “Corporate #2”:

• Find a private bathroom in a different part of the building
• If forced to use a communal restroom, check other stalls to make sure you are alone.
• If you don’t happen to be in the office bathroom alone AND can hold on no longer, there are several techniques you may employ to mask the impending noise:
  • The cough/sneez
  • The continuous flush
• ALWAYS employ a courtesy flush to cut down on unpleasant odor

 If you are unable to utilize any of these above ground rules, you’ll have to face the walk of shame back to your desk. 

No worries.  Shrug it off.  Hold your head high. Remember:

 P.S. To the lady in the 4^th stall in the second story bathroom last week.  The “I’m going to sit here on the toilet as still as a church mouse technique” DOES NOT work on me. 

P.S.S.  I saw your shoes in the mirror (while I was washing my hands).  I scouted you out.  I KNOW who you are.  You can’t hide from me.

 ~Camberley

Related posts:

1. Corporate Talk
2. Annoying Corporate Talk
3. My Corporate Fashionistas
4. Corporate Cliques
5. Corporate Memoirs